Beware: Enter At Your Own Risk

Survey... haha. IM BACK!

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 19:20:30 GMT

10 Bands/Artists You've Seen Live.
- Britney Spears
- Lil Wayne
- Drake
- Get Money Click (ME!)
- M.I.A
- The K.G.B.
- Sophia Fresh
- Courtney Love
- Kittie
- Dizzie Rascal

9 Things You're Looking Forward To.
+ Christmas
+ A Job
+ Joining The Gym
+ Hanging with my best friend.
+ Getting a Car!
+ Get Money Taking Off
+ One Tree HIll (haha)
+ The L Word!!!
+ Shopping!

8 Things You Wear Daily.
+ wifebeater
+ Boxers (undies)
+ tall tee
+ sweats
+ a sweatshirt (either pullover or zip-up)
+ socks
+ shoes
+ a bra

7 Things That Annoy You.
+ Simple minded folks [ those with NOTHING interesting to say ]
+ People who wanna fake-feel it
+ Those who can't open their minds up to other ideas...even if it isnt what they agree with.
+ When People stand over my shoulder
+ Pencils (the regular, not mechanical)
+ Sunday Drivers
+ Immaturity...(now dont get me wrong, we can all revert back to our childhood, doesn't mean you have to stay there)

6 Things You Touch Everyday.
+ My computer
+ a bottle of gatorade haha
+ My cell
+ My door knob
+ My toothbrush
+ My wallet

5 Things You Do Every Morning.
+ Brush my teeth
+ use the bathroom
+ check my phone
+ watch One Tree Hill
+ listen to music (I live for music)

4 People You'd Like To Spend More Time With.
+ Krysta, definately.
+ Amber.
+ Kitty Katt
+ My nephew Que

3 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over.
+ SuperBad
+ Balls of Fury
+ Blades of Glory

2 Of Your Favorite Songs at the Moment.
+ "Paper Planes" by M.I.A.
+ "Ransom" by Drake ft. Lil Wayne

1 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With.
+ haha... Hmmm...

No substance, just small-talk. I'd rather keep the trash and throw you out.

Thu, 27 Jan 2005 21:56:47 GMT

I havent written in this el jay in a while...I was watching All My Children and you know, I know Ive always spoke about BAM. and if you know me, you know why I like BAM. Its not because their *insert eden riegels voice* lesbians... *laughs so hard* or because they're both incredibly sexie...but because of the fact that I see a lot of the relationship I have with Krysta, within them. Do you know what I mean? Like the way they wrote BAM...I could have sworn they were just watching me....like they have been watching me for the past 4 years and writing about it...from the beginning of their friendship....to this very moment...

*laughs* you're so vain. you probably think this song is about you. dont you?

yep. you're damn right, I do. But really, that's why I like them. That's why im so interested in BAM. Because they're going through a lot....and i've been there...we've been there.
For instance:

Have you ever had your best friend, date someone else and that someone else decides that they want to be #1? That they want to be all that you are and that you have. They want it all. They want to take it all. Have you? I have. Looking into the eyes of the devil, so to speak. The devil that wants to destroy all that you've built with another person. The one who wants to take it all away from you, and keep it for themselves. You do all the work, and then... *sigh*

Manipulation....abuse...both physical and mental...control. You're mine. You'll be with me. No, you can't see her...Ive been there. I know what that's like. And...right now, BAM...yep, they're in that *same* situation. Have I ever felt like a tv character? Before amc, no. Not really. Maggie and Bianca are pretty much it. I can see where Bianca's coming from. Being in that position...watching your best friend fall...and you cant catch them. Its like your hands...they couldn't grow fast enough with all the magic in the world to break their fall...you see them hurting, you beg them to leave...to come with you. The devil says they love them...that makes it all better. Being the friend, who watches the downfall...then, THEN, in the middle of it all....BAM! it hits you....You're in love with your best friend...and you begin to fight with everything you have because not only are you fighting for your friendship....Now, now, you're fighting for your heart....and theirs.
Watching them smirk...as though they've already won...its sickening...it really is. ugh....venting, I am.

But the best part about it all, is when you win. And suddenly, its your turn to smirk. The difference though, you actually did win.

I've been there. In that exact place that Bianca stands now...how can I *not* feel for her? yea, the character is made up....but the situation, the situation is real. Its so fucking real. I've been given those same looks that Maggie gives Bianca...Ive said the same words that Bianca has spewed so many times to Maggie...
'Come with me.'

Its so in the past...and sometimes, when i think about it....it all seems surreal...that whole part of my life...and oddly enough, it wasnt the only time i've been the friend...the one who's trying to do anything to save you, but I don't want to make it worse...you know...so what do I do?

Ha! The last one...that was interesting. Now, I wasn't in love with her. *laughs* she's just a good friend. But still, I hated...Im sorry, I hate him with everything that I am. To this day. I think I even said to her, my friend, that her ex boyfriend reminds me of Jonathan Lavery...How keen.
I don't like him a lot.

Sweet revelation....Sweet surrendering....
You gotta love A Perfect Circle....damnit. You just have too.
Where's Eli?
Because damn the man, I left again last night and as I was getting offline
I saw that she had come back on, but I couldn't do anything
because I was leaving. That sucks.
lol.

You're such an inspiration for the ways that I
will never, ever choose to be.
Oh, so many ways for me to show you how
your saviour has abandoned you.
Your lord and your christ
took what you had and
still you pray ...
you never stray...never...
never thought to question why...

I got some more new movies today....I have now added to my collection:

The Grudge
Ocean's Twelve
Million Dollar Baby
Saw
Are We There Yet

...I cant remember the last one.

'we barely remember who or what came before
this precious moment
we are choosing to be here...right now
hold on, stay inside ...'

I dont think that could be any more true. I really don't remember who or what came before her. Before this. Before now. I mean, i remember the people...but what i felt...or didn't feel. I dont remember. I remember that I thought I was in love...I did. And i know now, looking back to then, that I wasnt...I was never in love. I wanted to be in love. I wanted to have that picture perfect relationship....
who doesn't? "Celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing...a chance to be alive and breathing..."
When you're 15, who doesn't? Exactly my point.

I dont even know why im going back into the past...or why im even bringing any of this up. Its on my mind, so I guess I should speak it, right? Of course, right.
"This body, this body holding me is a reminder here, that I am not alone..."

why does the past pop up at such odd times? Like, I'll be talking to a friend...and all of a sudden, something will happen and the past will just kinda re-appear. And its like "what the fuck? Where'd that come from?"

*shakes head* I really dont get it.
As for what 'it' is, I havent the slightest..
but if you find out,
please do let me know...thanks.

call it a really long vacation....

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 08:58:35 GMT

wow. i haven't updated on this LJ in a minute...its been a while, i can definately say that. I've been over at </b></a>tigergurl18ashl
updating over there most of the time...I dunno. Met some new people, kinda got stuck there for a second. But that's alright.
Because i'm back now.
I really dont have much to talk about, though.
*laughs*
Thats what kinda sucks about having two livejournals
I can't write about the same thing in both.
That's pretty fucking boring, don't you think?

*laughs* people falling for me...can you believe that? And worst of all, people seeming to not care that other people have feelings...two gurls are together...one gurl likes someone else...she dumps her girl.
talks to the other chic...then, they both decide, hey why dont we get together...that'll make it all worth it! this is why i can't *do* this internet thing. This...dating over my computer screen.
what the hell is the point if you're just gonna get with someone's friend the next day, completely dump them, and say hey! the world makes sense again! No, really, it doesnt...are you reading english?
my fucking lord. I hate drama. This is why Im *so* excited that Im never online much anymore...because there's so much drama...I could slice it...and pass it around to feed the entire country of Zimbabwe..that's
how much drama there is...Im in love with her...but i like her...and now i want her...ew but she wants me and i dont like her...but now this week, I guess she's alright...and the next week, we're meant to
be together....WHAT THE FUCK?

*shakes head* I could *not* live like that. I would give anything in the world...to *never * experience that again, in my life.
Like ever.

sometimes, I feel like im the only one in love...
</span>

These are a few of my favourite things...

Thu, 16 Dec 2004 22:24:36 GMT


elizabeth hendrickson is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator


krysta is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

Its officially Crystal's 22nd birthday...

Thu, 09 Dec 2004 09:31:41 GMT

So, I watched the beginning of the Billboards...Britney was the first presenter. *bites finger* my god, that woman may be married...but she is beautiful. And thick as hell. ( I like her thighs lol)

Its 1:21 in the morning. I should be sleeping. Like the rest of the world...I guess Im not like the rest of the world.
Haha. Its funny.
I told myself this morning that I was going to go to bed early..
I don't think this qualifies as early...or, maybe it does..

Crystal's birthday is today. December 9th. She is planning to party like hell....Boy, am I in for it. I haven't really slept. Im gonna be up more than I'll be asleep...*shakes head* Don't get me wrong, Im a party gurl...but man, sometimes....I think sometimes, you just gotta....stop for a sec...or something...

Gotta think of something to do this weekend. Krysta and I are gonna chill and she wants to do something....Cosmic bowling, maybe? I haven't done that in some years...the movies? Nah, that place seriously bores me. (omg, my MSN plays songs when people log on and off and someone just logged off...it scared the shit out of me. )

We could just have a movie night...I just got like 3 new dvd's that I wanted...um...Bourne Identity and Bourne Supremicy..(sp?) Ive never seen either...Ooh and Quienten Tarrantino's 'Hero' with Jet Li. Maybe we'll do the movie night thing..
*laughs* We all know how that turns out...We each end up falling asleep and then waking up at like 12:30 or 1 in the am like "holy shit! I fell asleep?"

We'll see I guess...

"It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all..."

Are we so sure that this stands true? Because it hurts like hell to lose love....

We're Going To Heaven, Tonight...

Wed, 08 Dec 2004 09:04:11 GMT

"Here comes a sign, in the form of a girl. She's the finest, sweetest thing in my world.."
-Heaven Tonight (Hole)

"Starts out like magic. Some sick religion.
That ain't no vulture, thats a fuckin' pigeon.
She's got vultures in her hair
Blood and feathers, they are everywhere.."
- Burn Black (Hole)

"Its the emptiness,
that's all you have left.
Too terrified of your
frozen breath."
-Use once and destroy (Hole)

"Crash and burn, all the stars explode tonight. How'd you get so desparate? How'd you stay alive?"
-Malibu (Hole)

"What, is it me? You can't go out at night? Answer me. Tell me about your others, Im starting to like that. Answer me. What about all those times you looked me in the eyes and said you lied? You know its over. Its over.."
-Raven (Kittie)

"I hurt myself today to see if I still feel.." -Hurt (NIN)

"I wish I was like you. Easily amused."-All Apologies (Nirvana)

Yep. Boredom caught up with me again. I swear, I have no attention span at all...Anyways, yea so..Im gonna get off this blasted contraption. ( I think I stole that from Krysta) Nite, world.

ash

Wed, 08 Dec 2004 07:26:14 GMT

So, I went out...and went to Mikey's. Haha...Sanjay left this fucked up ass message on Brandon's voicemail. Some shit like: "You fuckin' faggot, I'll kill you. Put me out on the streets and then tell everyone that Im smokin' dope. Fuck you man. You wanna fight me? Huh? You wanna fight? Then come and see me, bitch. You think you know me? You dont know me..you fuckin pussy ass mutherfucker, I'll kill you. I'll rip your knees off and shove them down your throat."

Or something along those lines. Pretty intense, huh? See, you gotta understand the story with him: He got hooked on some shit. Fucked up his brain. We tried to help. He doesn't want it. Sent him to his aunt in SF. He fucked up. She sent him back. And now, here he is. Back in Pittsburg, in the mist of it all..

Oh and the reason he left the message: Brandon's voicemail told him to suck a dick.

(Mind you, he didn't say 'brandon told him' he said 'brandon's voicemail tol him..' which means the lady who tells you that the caller is unavailable somehow changed her dialouge just for him. And told him to suck a dick.

He's off.

About six months ago, he claimed that I 'had brandon by the balls' or something like that...I barely even hung with the dude, then. But I didn't think nothin of it...cuz as sad as it is, I know he isn't all there. I've seen him flip on people for no reason....

I guess you can't help those who don't want to be helped, right? Of course, right.

So anyways, I went to my sister's house. (actually, I wanted to come home but my nephew just disregarded it, due to the fact that some pussy was comin over) And so I sat...for a good hour or so...in the garage. Doing absolutely nothing. Then he comes back and the first thing he says is "are you mad at me?"

Now, obviously, if you have to ask, then I have a reason to be...right? Again, of course, right.

Then, that was followed by a "my bad, I just haven't seen her in a while." and i replied, "that's all you." Cuz its not the first time.

Blah.

So get stoned, and be happy. That's the way of the world.

Now for the meaningless post of the day...

Tue, 07 Dec 2004 22:28:13 GMT

FrOm TeN tO OnE:

10 Bands/Artists You've Seen Live.
- Britney Spears
- Missy Elliott
- TLC
- Eternal Demise (friend's band)
- Destinys Child
- The K.G.B.
- Dream (original members)
- Faith Evans
- Busta Rhymes
- Eve

9 Things You're Looking Forward To.
+ Christmas
+ New Years
+ Chillin with my friends
+ Smokin' weed
+ Gettin all mah shyt together
+ My nephew blowin up (Tha game has a problem, now)
+ Kickin' it with Katie-Mac
+ Crystal's birthday weekend (this weekend)
+ Don't have a 9th

8 Things You Wear Daily.
+ wifebeater
+ Boxers (undies)
+ Chain
+ thermals or pajama pants
+ a sweatshirt (either pullover or zip-up)
+ socks
+ shoes
+ a bra

7 Things That Annoy You.
+ Simple minded folks [ those with NOTHING interesting to say ]
+ People who wanna fake-feel it
+ Those who can't open their minds up to other ideas...even if it isnt what they agree with.
+ When People stand over my shoulder
+ Pencils (the regular, not mechanical)
+ Sunday Drivers
+ Immaturity...(now dont get me wrong, we can all revert back to our childhood, doesn't mean you have to stay there)

6 Things You Touch Everyday.
+ My computer
+ My pipe
+ My cell
+ My door knob
+ My toothbrush
+ My wallet

5 Things You Do Every Morning.
+ Brush my teeth
+ use the bathroom
+ check my phone
+ watch Buffy or MadTv
+ listen to music (I live for music)

4 People You'd Like To Spend More Time With.
+ Krysta, definately. But I love the time I spend with her now. Im grateful as all hell..
+ John...My Hawaiian Pineapple..I miss him.
+ Mikey cuz I rarely ever go over there anymore.
+ Prolly Brandon, just cause I havent seen him in a while.

3 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over.
+ The Craft
+ Monster
+ Girl Interrupted

2 Of Your Favorite Songs at the Moment.
+ "Thizzle Wiggle" by Mac Dre
+ "Ass Like That" by Eminem

1 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With.
+ Should I really answer this question?....

Yep. You guessed it. Boredom equals 5 Quizzes (if u hate em, skip it)

Tue, 07 Dec 2004 21:24:00 GMT

Take the quiz: "What Kind of Soul Do You Retain?"

Loving
You have a very warm and loving aura about your soul and believe in the virtues of Love. To you, there is a bright side to everything! You are the polar opposite of the Dark soul.

Take the quiz: "What Degrassi Character are You?"

Ashley
You are Ashley. I'm sorry. GET OVER YOURSELF!
Damn right, Im Ashley Kerwin. And I can't get over myself. Im just that damn good...(ha!)

Take the quiz: "Which Mighty Morphin Power Ranger are you?"

Pink Ranger
You are the Pink Ranger, you are Kimberly. Your weapon is the power bow, and you are the Pterodactyl and the Firebird.
I am the Pink Ranger! Rock the FUCK on!

Take the quiz: "What house of 1000 corpses character are you?"

Baby
This sexy blonde is just like her mother, Mother Firefly. She is cute, funny, and evil. She seems to be "murder buddies" with Otis. Oh and, her favorite movie star isn't Marilyn Monroe.

Take the quiz: "What do you love about making love?"

Love
You are a lover of love. You love to love and be loved. You are perhaps a hopeless romantic but those are rare nowadays. Think of it as a gift. Whether you are saving yourself for that special someone or you have already found him or her. You are part of an almost extinct species of human. The kind that believe in true love... Because love is truly beautiful!

If u got a glass jaw, you betta watch yo' mouth cuz I'll break yo face...

Tue, 07 Dec 2004 20:11:12 GMT

There's one thing that really bothers me...

I hate when people stand behind you, looking over your shoulder...Like they're waiting for you to make a mistake, to fuck up. And then, on top of that, they want to be nosey...lookin all in your shit and they want to tell you what you're doing "wrong".

The worst part about it is, I was doing it completely right. I need space. I have a bubble...or a square...or a box or whatever. And I need my space. I can't have someone all up in my facial, tryin to talk to me...It just can't happen. I get...I dunno if uncomfortable is the word for it. I just dont like it. I had to make that a point yesterday.

Like, "can you please go somewhere?" lol. I wasn't trying to be mean, but damn, man. I know what Im doin'. I got this. What's really?

"Word to my Momz
Im coo, like tha Fonz
All my whips on bronze
Im so, so peezie
Posted with a breezie
All black, can't see me
quit lookin'
fo' i leave yo mug crooked..."
-Dude from tha Dirrty

I love that song. Thats tha hook to that um...'Round Here'...Memphis Bleek beat. (I couldnt think of his name) Damn, I think I've been getting a bit too fucked up for my own good...Then again, don't I say that all the time? Ha. Someone emailed me today, Im not sure who it was tho...Something about being in love and some other stuff... *shrugs* I wonder who it was...

"Knuck if you Buck, boi." Speaking of, so that chic who was like she wanted to chunk 'em or whatever...now she's all sad cuz she lost her job (she stole from my gurl at her job) She wants to be all friendly and she wants help getting her job back...

*laughs* AH HA!

Looks like Spanky's stuck between a rock and a hard place...Damn, Karma's a bitch. A favor for a favor, right? *laughs again* Too funny...

She was feelin' a littel froggy there...her and her peeps, but they made a wise choice. They didn't leap. lol.

"We knuckin' and buckin' cuz I got a .9"

'.. want to kiss someone'...Or at least, thats what my head says...HAHA. I remember when I used to just bust out and be like "yea, I think I feel like making out." *shakes head* too much, I am, indeed.

Ooh...thought...I think I should try emailing Jenn. I havent spoken to her in like a year...Lord knows, it'd be a miracle if she remembered me. But yea, she's been on my mind lately. She and Lambert, both. I wonder if he ever went to Miami? He said there was a lot of ass down there... I don't doubt him.

And Meghan...whatever happened to her? Damn, I need to get in touch with some people..

Just random thoughts...

Nostalgic...Yea, thats what I am.

Mon, 06 Dec 2004 09:21:26 GMT

"my little ashkins.. i don't know if i can even deal with this.. now that marie said it its true we're attached at the hip.. so yea.. u can't get rid of me that quickly.."

"can you kidnap me.. I'll pay you..I have 52 cents...and paper clip... and ummm..some lint... hey you could be like macgiver and make a bomb.. and yea.."

I was just going back in old journals of mine...and krysta's...I miss that.
*points above* up there...what I had with her...what we had, together..

Blah.

That's what happens when you go through old stuff...you get all nostalgic..*sigh* yea, but I do miss it.
Id be a damn liar if I said I didnt. Haha..

I was reading about Alaska/Scooter...Awww that puppie was so cute. And when she moved in...yep. Another good time in my life. We went through alot together..Krysta and I...really. I sit and think about it now..and wow..she's saved my life, im sure more than once. Yea..she put up with me when I thought no one could..

a strong woman, she is. And beautiful.

I was reading a past entry right before she left for MN...and then, I thought about the fact that in like two weeks, she's leaving for MN..I wonder if I should write her..hmm...

She's gonna kill me for talking about her so much LOL. But that's alright...The death will be completely worth it.

Onto another thought....why do people fall for me? I mean really, what is it? Can someone please fill me in? Because it seems as though a lot of people are 'liking' me now-a-days...(I dont mind it. Not at all. *smile*) But I just want to know what it is...

Conceited much? Nope. I just know the facts. (ok, now that was conceited haha)

"i'm showin u my life more deep than u think
at nites i get a little less sleep than u think
somethin keeps me up i cant even get a wink
and theres no point in tryin so i lay there n blink
i'm showin u i feel more stress than u see
but my business is my business
and i keep it all to me
i've done a lot of work for u to see me where i be
but lately i sense u dont wanna set me free"

Nothing more to say really.

...52 cents and a paperclip...*laughs*

Sometimes, I just don't want too...

Mon, 06 Dec 2004 08:05:36 GMT

My phone is ringing right now.
A friend wants me to go and help her kick someone else's ass.
Now, don't get me wrong,
on any other day, id be down.
Let's ride.
But I dont feel like it tonight.
Damnit,
Is that selfish of me?
I know if I needed her to ride for me,
she would.
Fuck it.

I gotta call her back...First, I gotta listen to the voicemails she left...

Anyways, onto something a little more...upbeat...or whatever. We been in the studio for the past two days, layin' down some tracks. Gettin everything together for the new album. And the Mix-Tape. Its gon' be hot. We jus dropped that Memphis Bleek, 'Round Here'. That song beats so damn hard. As a matter of fact, Im gonna listen to it...

God, my life is so boring. Damn, speak of the devil...
'Its Time To Hit 'Em'
That's what she left on my voicemail.
This bitch named 'Spanky'
supposedly called herself takin mah gurlz shit out
her locker from work.
Then, she wanna call and be playin on the phone.
She say she 22.
I think she's 13.
But that's just my opinion.
Damn.

It's 12:03 am. Im wide awake.
Yep.
Brain is workin' overtime
on this fine day.
*insert sarcasm here*
Whoo Hoo...

Sometimes, I just dont want to....

I love you, Big Baby!

Mon, 06 Dec 2004 07:52:24 GMT

Oh yes, you gotta do it!

comment the following anonymously:
1 secret:
1 critique:
1 compliment:
lyrics or anything that reminds you of me:
how long we've been "friends":
& a hint to who you are:

i am human.

Fri, 03 Dec 2004 03:45:27 GMT

If I said that I just didn't give a fuck anymore, would you think I was a bad person?

Its a BitterSweet Symphony, This Life.

Thu, 02 Dec 2004 10:51:02 GMT

A lot of shit happened in the month of December....You know, up until about a day and a half ago, I didn't know the exact date that my grandmother had passed away...

I found it last night. And the day that she and I broke up, I couldn't remember...

I found that, too.

Too many things just popping up all at once. It kinda makes my head spin a little. Damn, my life is boring. Oh well, off to bed, I said.

Night all.

ash

Jessica Simpson is so, so temptin'...Nick, I aint never seen a ass like that...

Wed, 01 Dec 2004 22:07:01 GMT

Eminem is a fuckin foo for that song. Have yall yeard it? Its called 'Ass Like That'...He's a damn foo..

Anyways, so yea, I got a call yesterday from David, asking if I wanted to hang out. He claims that I never call him. Well, he never told me that he lost his phone so that would explain why I've never called...

I ALWAYS CALLED HIS PHONE!

*insert laugh here* You know, you gotta let me know these things. I can't read your mind. I really can't. *shakes head* Sometimes, I just dont know about people..

Have you seen the movie 'Monster', with Charlize Theron? About the woman, Aileen W. who they claimed to be a female serial killer or whatever? Ok, I fuckin love that movie. Like seriously. That story is so interesting. And I remember watching it and wondering...if there was something missing...something wasn't right...you know?

Well, I found it out last night. I was watching a documentary on 'Lee' and it talked about the full story and everything with the investigation...all of that crap. Yea, that shit was fucked. And the chic at the end, they called her 'Shelby' well, we know her as Terri...She got off...No charges, no nothing. And I always wondered why...

I got the answer. She was working with Hollywood for the movie deal...Hence the reason she got all charges dropped. She told all that she knew. But Lee never would. Because she knew they wanted all of her information for a movie. The woman opted for the for the death penalty. She just basically said "fuck it, kill me. Because you're only gonna screw me over more." ...and they held her on death row for a decade...a DECADE! This woman wanted to die...why wouldn't they just do it? Hell, they'd kill anyone else if they wanted to just die.

Man...I get to into it. I cant even talk about it anymore...Its just fucked up.

*sigh*

If you haven't seen the movie. You gotta. Its a good story in itself.

Tue, 30 Nov 2004 22:24:36 GMT

"if you leave, dont expect to see me alive."

Hmmm...what does that mean to you?

Anyways, its not even the point. It just had to be out there, cuz it was on my mind. I really dont have anything to say. Not much more than Im pretty confuzed. Well, not really....not so much confuzed as I am....impatient. I know what I want. I just dont want to have to wait to get it.

That is a personal problem tho..

I know, you're probably like 'what the fuck is this chic talking about?'

On another note, Tha Leigon is doing pretty damn good if I do say so myself. Ghostt is about to sign with a label. And the other half of Tha Leigon, Dude from tha Dirrty, we're puttin him out there...Gettin him on the radio. He's gettin alotta spin in the clubs around the area, so thats all we need... And when he goes back to his hometown in NC, we're gonna get him known out there too...We got some demos out there..but not nearly enough. Or not nearly as many as we want, I should say.

Bout to start up a website, get the music on the net so ppl can listen to it, tell us what they think. Good, Bad, Ugly...whatever. We want it. Cuz that's what's gon make us better. Its nothin'. So if you're into rap, or you know anyone that is...send em my way, tell em I got some knowledge for em...haha.

Damn, Que (dude from tha dirrty) got me feelin' like a lightweight star...For realz'. I mean, now, im chillin' with rappers n shit you feel? Just parlayin', hangin out, smokin' (cuz you gots too)...but its coo..I didnt know there were so many rappers in my town. Haha. Total new world. Its funny...
Cuz I see people who were friends with me in highschool and I was a totally different person back then. They see me know and I notice, they just kinda stare...and not in a bad way, but just you know like:

"Damn, she's hella different now."

Cuz truth be told, I am. Thats on tha real. And its not 'oh now she's hard' or 'oh now she's a gangsta'. No, I just grew the fuck up and got away from all that bullshit. I dont deal with it no more. And when its around me, I walk away. Instead of walking straight into it. I ain't got time for it no more.
Which is the reason I dont hang out with a whole lot of people anymore. Cuz the bullshit got too deep and I got tired of swimmin...

"I'll Get Inside You."

Damn, for someone who didn't have a damn thing to say....I sure can write a novel off the top of my head. haha. That always happens. Seriously. It always does. My mind moves too fast for my mouth...But my fingers catch it all..I can write forever. *insert confuzed look here*

Yup, I think thats about it for now, My brain has shut-down. LOL. Aite, so until next time, I guess.

holla at cha' gurl...

You People Are Gonna Respect Me

Sat, 27 Nov 2004 00:57:42 GMT

"Respect Me"

You people respect me, if it kills you [x4]

Do it how they didn't, now they really wanna try to do it but im telling them no
Im in a predicament with imitators wanna take my style and other bit of my flow
All this copy cattin on my lyrics that ya chattin betta stop until the gunshot's blow
Do you really want it coz i really wanna give it if you do just let me know

I show arrogance and elegance
But no tolerance for nonsense
I bring
violence im a nuisance
Killer M-C leave no evidence
Ive got brains and intelligence
But no
conscience no innocence
We roll in the darkened silence
Represent us in any residence

And i swing for your chin with no hesitense
Imma captain ya betta bring your regiments
And your a failure dont have no relevence
Imma champion and a victor prick
ya So not ready
so til ya see ya soul
Headed for the golden gates
No really you monkeys are playin with hate
Not guerilla warfare
it's the coppers i carry this stick for
Plus ive had enough of these
Lil cheek comin from fake M-C's
Bad minders and skat ladies
Talkin about how it used to be
Well it's a brand new day
So leave me be
I dont need you so dont need me
Your opinion don't interest me
Dont like me thats fine by me
Coz from holly street ta hollywood its all good
From new york ta your cool its all cool
Your a fool if ya think i'm gonna cease
Now honestly could there really be peace
It dont seem that way to tough
Stop with the games
i play to rough
Must be smokin to much puff
Divert or be deceased

Everything Moves So Fast...

Thu, 25 Nov 2004 20:42:54 GMT

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!!

wow...before we know it, its gonna be 2005...Can you believe that?

Haha. So I told Krysta I was gonna put this down somewhere...We went to Marie Calendar's because she wanted to get a pie for her grandpa. We park and look, there is a line out the fuckin door...so we call. And ask if we can place an order. They say they aren't doing orders, you have to go in.

They were all waiting for pie...I swear you would have thought they were waiting for Britney Spears...The line was that fucking long and for PIE!! lol

I got a kick outta it. Aite. Im out. Gotta go get fat.

ash

Thats Pretty Much Me In A nutshell...

Fri, 19 Nov 2004 06:46:05 GMT

Your Beauty lies
in Individuality. Different, amazing, and all your
own. You like be set apart
from all others and most love that you do. You are
solitary at times, but for
the most part, there is no greater compliment to
you than someone telling you
that you are different. You're most likely a bit of
a fighter and you hate it
when anyone attempts to change who you are. You
wear what you want, look how you
want and don't let anyone tell you what do to. You
can be a little immature at
times and have trouble dealing with authority and
asking others for help. You
like to do things yourself and are independent
almost to a fault. But, people
still find your individuality amazing and the fact
that no matter what happens
or what anyone else anyone thinks about it, you
will not change who you are.</font>

Some Things
That Represent You:

Element:
Dark, Fire Animal: White Tiger Color:
Bold Colors, Odd
Colors Song: Just They Way I Am by Angel
Expression: Smirk

Gemstone:
Bloodstone Mythological Creature: Phoenix,
Dragon Sign:
Leo Planet: Pluto
Hair Color: Unnatural Colors Eye
Color:
Amber

Quote:
"You laugh because I'm different. I laugh
because you're all the same."

Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla

So Up and Down, SO Back and Fourth.

Tue, 16 Nov 2004 18:35:21 GMT

Nothin much to write about.

Last night, as I was laying down about to go to bed, a thought crossed my mind. It had been 5 years since a friend of mine was killed.

Its weird how things come back and bite you in the ass. You never realize things anymore...I never realize things anymore..

"I fell in love all over again, today..."

I met Brandon's ex girlfriend last night. She's pretty cute. lol. It was her birthday or something...Hell, I dunno. I just mingled and got super fuckin drunk with James. (John's couzin) He kept giving me some shot called a 'Lemon Drop'. Yep, needless to say, I was pretty drunk. Haha.

Nothin's really been going on. We had a show um...not this weekend that just passed, but the one before that. My nephew did pretty well, if I do say so myself..

"She hurt, but she thick." LOL Kevin and them is crazie for that song. I give em props tho. They did they thang. haha. (all slang and shit)

"Man,
I been ready for war
since a baby
Rape and kidnapp my old lady?
Crazy.
Shellshocked.
Mind of a criminal.
Locked in cell blocks.
Remember when I used to sell rock.
Put a pipe bomb in your mailbox
if you owe me money
Gon' laugh
That shit funny
Want fame, but fame dont want me
Im down wit it
Cant quit it
Got away with it...." A lil' taste of Dude from tha Dirty...Be on the look-out. Its real. We ready.

Let's roll.

I dont think there's been a more clear explination as to who and/or what I am....

Mon, 15 Nov 2004 19:22:54 GMT

Some Things
That Represent You:

Element:
Dark, Fire Animal: White Tiger Color:
Bold Colors, Odd
Colors Song: Just They Way I Am by Angel
Expression: Smirk

Gemstone:
Bloodstone Mythological Creature: Phoenix,
Dragon Sign:
Leo Planet: Pluto
Hair Color: Unnatural Colors Eye
Color:
Amber

Quote:
"You laugh because I'm different. I laugh
because you're all the same."

Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla

?????

Wed, 10 Nov 2004 11:43:23 GMT

It's almost been a year, right?

So why was she referred to as my girlfriend not once, but FOUR times tonight?

Fri, 05 Nov 2004 21:58:25 GMT

Ok, so did I have an eventful night last night? OH MAN, did I ever! Haha.

Naw, it was just a hell of a blast. We went to a bar in Walnut Creek, right? Mind you, I had to dress *cringes* like a girl....BUT IT WAS COO tho. I dug it. The jeans were kinda cute. Anyways, so yea we get there and I got a beer to chill on for a bit. Then they started groovin on the dance floor so my nephew and I got out there and shook what our mama's gave us! LOL.

So then, there was this one blonde and this brunette dancing...ALL OVER THE PLACE, ALL OVER EACH OTHER. Oh man, was I a blushing woman last night. And the biggest thing was, they kept asking me to dance with them. But I couldn't do it. Too shy. And the brunette... *falls to the floor* oh my word, that girl was moving every inch of her and the blonde wasn't any better. Im sure my jaw hit the floor a few times while they were dancing last night. (Not only that, but the brunette was sooooooooooooo fucking cute!)

Oh yea, lol I started dancin with some asian guy, right? It was too cool. He could groove too. We was up there with that O-town shit. Haha. It was hella funny. But yea, they I got all girly and started dancin like a chic and I remember him goin' "Oh shit! Its gettin hot in here!" lol hella loud! I was like "Omg is he talking about me?" He was.

So then, there was this other guy who knew my sis' step-sister and we were all dancing together, then he and I broke into our own little dance. And she was all trying to take blackmail pics of me on her phone but it was too dark! YES! haha. It was hilarious. She was so wasted. We all were.

OMG! Ok, so I ran into my cousin right? And we're chillin and he brought one of his friends (mind you, ive known his friend since I was like in the second grade) Well his friend got drunk and was trying to be ALL OVER ME. LOL I kept like slyly moving away from him. I remember at one point, he tried to put his arm around my waist. It wasnt happenin lol. He finally left. (Thank the heavens)

So then, the latin chic. Ok first off, they started playin some Reggaeton, right? So, im gettin down cuz I love to salsa. Well, I guess the latin chic saw me dancing and she would like try and put it on hella hard, I was just like "im dancin, no need for competetion" So I went over to my nehpew...

I was completely wrong.

The entire night...And I do mean entire night. Wethere she was standing by the dj, sippin her Corona or grinding on some guy like 10ft away from me, I always had her attention. lol. And I know she caught me starring a few times, hell, maybe even more. I couldn't help it tho. You know how when ppl know that you're looking at them, they kinda act out... show off...Well, she was doing just that. And I was falling for it every time...She kept calling me out to dance with her. I could only blush. It was the only thing I could do...And smile big like an ass LOL. But yea... I had my eye on her. She was sexie. And I mean...really sexie.

All in all, I had a hell of a night. Next thurs night, I might have to make a repeat performance and show up again. Just to see if they're there...And if they are...

I just might dance. (haha, yea right. They're too sexie for me.)

Toma Reggaeton....

Boss Tycoon

Wed, 03 Nov 2004 06:34:06 GMT

Yup, so one of the best west coast rappers was killed on Halloween, in KC. Pay my respects. Rest In Peace Mac Dre.
***

Damn, that shit's hella crazy, man. Im sittin here listenin' to tha nigga, and it's like damn, I dont believe he's dead. That nigga was dope. Another great lost for the West Coast. Thas aiight, tho. We comin'. Don't even trip. We on our way! haha.

"Fuck what it cost, Im a boss, tycoon. Dipped in sauce, I floss, I coon."

"Sometimes I thizz, Sometimes I shroom but whatever I do, Imma stay a tycoon."